Highs and lows of the past year

Highs 

• Finishing A- Level

I can't even begin to tell you how much relief I feel. It's like a huge load of my chest and I know that in the long run this process has thought me a lot about myself and I've grown more as a person because of it but I'm really glad it's over. It wasn't an easy road and I'm just glad I made it. 

• Sleepover with my besties

Best. Sleepover. Ever. All five of us finally slept over and it was glorious. I mean there were deep and emotionally heavy moments but it was mostly good and such a rarity. We're almost never out together anymore. Still close just not in person. 

• Parts of the Paris/UK trip 

There were times when I just wanted to stand in a corner and pull my hair out and sob but I have (and still am) done some really fun and cool things. I stand by what I said about not going on anymore family trips. This is it. 

• Broga Hill camp 

There were good times on this trip from hiking up in the morning to see the sunrise, to watching the fire display, to talking the night away. It was good, better than I imagined it to be

• Winning best delegate at MUN 

I never expected to win and winning was pretty amazing. It looks good on my personal statement so that's always great. 

Lows 

• AS results day 

I don't even want to talk about it

• The whole teacher debacle 

For no reason whatsoever on my part he became a world class ass. Ruined my credibility as a writer, destroyed my self esteem, was the reason for some anxiety attacks and half the reason why I hated Physics class. It wasn't a happy time. 

• Some days at college 

There were some days when I just felt like I sucked and everyone had it all together. Those days really sucked and made me feel like I was a failure. 

There's probably more that should go on both lists but I can't think of any right now. 

Your veiws on mainstream music

To have a view on this subject matter, one must first listen to mainstream music. And with that I have just established that I don't currently listen to mainstream music. I've been either using my own saved playlist which has songs from the 90s, TV tunes and bands like Paramore, The Script and singers like P!nk and Avril Lavigne. Not particularly a group you'd heard on the radio anymore. 

Recently I gave the radio a shot, mainly so I can form an opinion on this and let me just say, I feel old. I have to constantly ask my sister who's singing and what the song is called because everyone sounds so different and new and I can't recognise anything. I mean who is Halsey and why have I not heard of her before this? 

There is one similarity with most of the songs and that is they talk about the same thing- sex. It's all about the banging, screwing and sleeping with someone. And they way they sing about it paints the picture of it just being a physical act. Something to be done for fun, like it does not mean a thing. Called me old fashion but I believe that sex is more that just the intimate act between a man and a women to be done for fun. The way they describe it makes it sound so cheap and describes the women and items and not human beings with actual feelings. 

I will agree that there are quite a bit of songs with body positive messages about loving yourself and I'm all for that. What I'm not all about is 'all about that bass'. I get that she's trying to sing about loving your curves and that there's nothing wrong with having a bit more meat on your bones but don't bring down another body type to promote yours. Why do we do that as humans? Why do we feel the need to talk down another type, thing or person before we can bring up another form, build or individual? Why is it that both can't be ideal and goals? Why does one always have to be superior? In Megan's attempts to talk about not being a 'stick figure barbie doll' she is essentially saying that this is the new ideal and being thin and scrawny is unattractive. She's not the only one who does this but I just have a bone to pick with Megan. I do love her 'like I'm gonna lose you though'. 

Can we talk about Justine Bieber for a moment? I mean his comeback is what my grades should follow. His music is catchy and I have not heard about him pulling any immature stunts. The lyrics for some songs are also pretty great and while I don't agree with everything he's said, sang or done I will say that he is making pretty decent music now. 

So I conclude with modern music, hit with some of the body positivity. Miss with the lyrics at times and hit with the beat and the tunes. 

I'll now go back to listening to my FOB, MCR and what my sister deems as old music. 

Your earliest memory

Before starting, here's a fun fact (that might not be fact). When remembering something, you're actually remembering the last time you remembered something.

My memory is weird. I can recall all sorts of weird facts,  random bits of knowledge and details about something I read but when it comes to memories of my childhood or what I remember my mind instantly freezes and when put on the stop I remember nothing. 

When I'm sitting idly or when something triggers a memory then I'll see it in great detail but right now, I'm drawing up a blank. What is my earliest memory? 

Probably, eating my breakfast in the kitchen in my high chair facing the window that looked into our garden. I was a toddler and seeing how easily distracted I am now, it was probably worse then and I would not eat because there were so many birds outside and I wanted to play with them. My maid/nanny actually caught me one and tied his leg to a pink raffia string. Now read till the end before you start forming an opinion. She gave him to me and I held on to the string while eating my food and obviously I had to offer some to my new pet bird so I threw down some for my little birdie. When I was done eating, we let it go. So there, no animal abuse. 

Somewhere you'd like to move or visit

I've always been adamant about moving when I was younger and I still am adamant that I'll move once I start uni. When I was younger, I wanted to move to LA because that's where all the famous people lived and I could possibly meet one of my idols. When I took of my rose coloured glasses, I realised that US was not the country I envisioned myself living in. Hell no.

I'm in Paris now and my answer would have been that I would have loved to move to the UK but I can't seem to bring myself to fit in here and enjoy the place as much. It's like I'm an outsider which I am but the city does feel like it isolates you if you're a foreigner. Maybe it's because I don't speak French.

But I still do want to visit UK and I will be in a few days so hopefully when I do go there, I'll like it and who knows maybe one day I'll move there.

16/12 Edit: I am in UK now and I love it here. I can totally see myself living here. 

Bullet your entire day

Well, this is hard

I was in the plane till about 8 am Paris time

9-2 we walked around the streets, chilled in a cafe and took pictures

2- we went back to the hotel, showered and changed

3- lunch

4-7 we walked around some more

7- I fell asleep not before watching some random French thing but they have Castle here so that's good

Put your ipod on shuffle and list the first 10 songs that plays

I don't have an ipod so I used my phone and I stole this list from the last time I did it for a tag on tumblr. Also I was supposed to list my favourite lyric from it and so I did it here as well. 

Fourth of July- Fall out boy 

It was the fourth of July
You and I were, you and I were fire, fire, fireworks
That went off too soon 

Photograph- Ed Sheeran 

We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still

The Last time- Taylor Swift ft Gary Lightbody 

This is the last time I’m asking you this,
Put my name at the top of your list,
This is the last time I’m asking you why,
You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye.

Dreams- Gabrielle Aplin ft Bastille 

Like a heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
And what you had

Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing

Elastic Heart- Sia 

You did not break me
I’m still fighting for peace

Who you are- Jessie J 

Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It’s okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it’s hard to follow your heart.
Tears don’t mean you’re losing, everybody’s bruising,
Just be true to who you are!

Breakeven- The Script 

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Stop and stare- One republic 

I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
I’ve become what I can’t be
Oh, do you see what I see?

In my Veins- Andrew Belle 

Nothing goes as planned
Everything will break
People say goodbye
In their own special way
All that you rely on
And all that you can fake
Will leave you in the morning
But find you in the day

Your guilty pleasure (Or pleasures)

1. Reality TV. There are some shows that really knock out your brain cells when you watch them but I still have days where I sit and watch em. They're pretty entertaining too. 
2. Watching bits and bobs from Glee on youtube. I have no idea who's who or what is really going on but it's fun. They do some pretty good covers too
3. Purposely watching/reading something with it's intended purpose of making you cry. I'm a sadist like that but I do love it when I feel the anguish that makes me cry. It's not often though that things make me cry.  
4. Binge watching Grey's Anatomy. It's so soap opera-ry now and let's be real I have not watched it since Cristina left but there are days where I just turn on the show and get sucked in to the world of the twisted sisters. 
5. Stalking people on Facebook. You and I both know that we all do it so don't even look at me with your holier than thou attitude. 
6. Unhealthy Food. There are days when all I want are all those calories. Just give me the calories.