*Cue existential crises*
I'll be 27 in ten years and by then the first thing I aim to have done is to have become a lawyer. I still don't know what kind but hopefully I'm a badass lawyer who's starting to make a splash because if not then I would have just wasted thousands of dollars on nothing. Can you tell I live a very all or nothing life?
Besides that, I would love to have written something that garners public attention. Maybe I would have or will be currently in the process of publishing a book or writing a column or maybe this blog takes off but whatever it is I want to be a writer hopefully with an audience because I doubt anyone is currently reading this.
Maybe I'll open up a bakery by now? I have the name and concept in mind but we'll see if I have a business running. Hopefully I'm still baking and I've somewhat mastered most of the techniques.
On to my personal life.
I'll definitely still be friends with my besties but you don't want to know about that. You want to know if I'll be married or if I'll have kids and stuff like that.
Honestly, I don't know. I've been adamant about staying single pretty much the entire time I was a preteen till about recently. I take my words and promises seriously and I was deathly afraid that I'll find someone, fall in love and he won't take his vow as seriously as I did. Or that we'll get bored of each other or he'll change and become this person I don't recognise anymore or that we'll fall out of love. I just didn't want to take that risk but watching as my favourite couple tied the knot and seeing how much deeper their love ran after, it inspired me that maybe if you find the right person, the trouble will be worth it.And it's nice to have someone to come home to and tell your troubles, hopes and dreams to. So in conclusion, maybe I will get married if I find the right guy. He'll just have to deal with my extreme fear of the whole institution and if he still wants to get married than wow.
On to the next one. Children.
Well I personally believe that I won't have children unless I'm married. So children are out of the question unless I'm married but even if I were to be married, at this point I don't know if I'll have kids. People still expect women to want to give up their careers and want to be mothers. I'm not sure if I'm willing to do that. I love kids and spending time with them but it's one thing to spend the day with them and another to have to raise one. Personally, I don't think I can do it. I'm pretty selfish and I don't know if I can put the needs of this tiny creature above mine all the time. I like having an ice cream cone to myself and having to share it, not so fun.
Also, I would have to give up my career and I don't want to do that. Lots of people will say that you can have a career and still have children, hell my mum is a working mum but the thing is, I'm a workaholic. I like to immerse myself into my work and just sit and do that for hours on end. What if my child wants to tell me something in the meantime? I know what it's like to grow up with parents who were busy. It felt like you were always second to their jobs and I resented that. I mean I get it but I don't like it and I never want my child to feel that way.
The thought of being responsible for a tiny defenceless creature also petrifies me. What if I do something wrong and mess them up? Babies aren't born with instructions stamped on their butts.
I'd probably be the cool aunt to my sisters kids because she'll definitely have them. Me? I don't know. Wanting children is not enough, you have to be mentally, emotionally and physically ready to have them and I don't know if I'll be ready. Maybe I'll answer this better when I'm more mature. But for now, I'm glad I don't have to be one or make that decision.
No comments:
Post a Comment