Your biggest regret

This goes against my policy of living a life of no regrets but if I really had to pick; probably not taking my A Level more seriously. No, that's not the right way to put it but not tackling it the right way and not dealing with my emotions properly. 

I constantly talk about my A Level and if you've been reading this blog then you'd probably be wondering why I can't just shut up about it. Well for starters, it really did a number on me emotionally. It was exhausting because I didn't deal with my core emotions properly. Or rather at all. I would be the person that burst into tears randomly when I was alone because of something that could have happened weeks ago. 

My first regret was not taking a day or a few to chill and process my IG results. It was full steam ahead and let's not talk about this or deal with it despite the fact that I'm obviously unhappy and disappointed in myself. I was doing okay, well even my first few weeks of college and I threw that all away over a grade. You've probably heard this one before too but it is, was the first time I had wanted something hard enough and not gotten it. I'm the kind of person who has never taken much education wise seriously and it has all come relatively easy to me. This is the first time I had faced a blow and a loss and I didn't deal with it well at all. I let it sit and fester and it grew into this huge thing that I couldn't deal with later on. I developed a Maths mental block and I don't think I'm 100% over that. Not yet at least.

To say I didn't take my A Level seriously is not exactly true because I kinda did know that I wasn't going to be able to scrape through if I studied last minute. But after not dealing with your emotions and letting it blow up at random inopportune times it can really take away from your whole learning and desire to do well. I was drifting and it wasn't necessarily because I didn't take it seriously. I did but when you have an overwhelming desire to quit and you just hate yourself and everything, trying to study and do well is not exactly easy. 

I should have gotten help sooner. It took me a long time, almost too long before I sought out help that I desperately needed. In my mind asking for help was a sign of weakness. It meant that I was not good enough. It requires you to swallow your pride and I was not having any of it, in the beginning. I did it eventually in the end and I'm so glad I did. 

So my biggest regret? It's probably wiser to say not dealing with my emotions properly but then again, I don't think I've mastered that art yet.